What if Illumination and Nintendo made a Super Smash Bros. Movie?
Written by Cameron Geiser
With the release of Super Mario Galaxy Nintendo and Illumination have begun to expand their horizons in several key areas that had me thinking, “Well, why wouldn’t they make a Super Smash Bros. movie?” It’s a surefire moneymaker and the film itself could include characters who may get their own spinoffs if the audience is left swooning for Samus Aran or Captain Falcon. We live in strange times indeed, who knows, maybe a Pikmin animated film isn’t as far fetched as it once seemed. Starfox could easily transfer over, just give him a thrilling enough Star Wars lite story and enough attention paired with good casting to his team members and the script essentially writes itself.
Then there’s Link and The Legend of Zelda. I know the live action film adaptation is coming, but I’d include Link here in an animated form and we could keep the actor associated with him (Benjamin Evan Ainsworth) for the voice role. Even if it is just an assortment of grunts and ‘hiyahs’, time will tell I suppose. Though with so many variations on the character and timelines in the games themselves, you could always insert the Wind Waker version here or even a more Ocarina coded variant and slap a celebrity voice role on there just to do the right amount of guffaws and ‘hiyahs’. If Vin Diesel can get away with multiple film appearances saying less than ten different words for more than a decade in the MCU, why can’t we get Jason Statham or Chris Hemsworth for a similar voice role gig in the shared Nintendo-verse? If the live action version of Link speaks, our animated version should be mostly mute.
I’ll get more into the casting below, but for now, what’s the story? Well, the games have always been light on story with several of them trying out a few new ideas here or there. Nothing’s ever been too plot heavy though. You just have to have a reason for all of this crossover action and why these characters would fight each other anyways? Back in the day the ‘villain’ was the ‘master hand’, a giant empty glove with a penchant for smacking, slapping, and finger gunning the characters down in the final fight. But that isn’t really satisfying as a villain for this collection of heroes to gather Avengers style is it? Honestly I think there are two major options for this film’s antagonist. One would be to make up a new character entirely for this outing and forge their own motivations or intent with the master hand being an illusion to distract the characters until the reveal comes in. The other option, as I see it anyways, is to keep Bowser as the ultimate antagonist behind this scheme. I know that isn’t core to the games, but after the events of Super Mario Galaxy, which hasn’t been released yet at the time of this writing, Bowser could theoretically be tossed into the vast endlessness of space with the Heroes believing him to be dealt with ‘for good’ this time. In the end it’s where he finds some incomparable power that allows him to manipulate reality, time, and space itself. As you can tell, I prefer option two over option one.
This could keep the Mario core of the story as integral to the plot while opening up the rest of the film’s runtime to the other mainline characters of the series. We could begin by having the other major characters, under the spell of Bower’s new power, invade and fight the Mushroom Kingdom characters in Princess Peach’s Castle. After Mario and Luigi knock some sense into Captain Falcon, he could lead them to a far off world in search of a knowledgeable bounty hunter and subsequently have Donkey Kong and the Mario brothers take on a tough fight against Samus until a similarly mind controlled Starfox crashes the scene. It would all function as such, giving just enough mystery and adventure to keep running into other characters and engage in some uniquely choreographed fights. After that first section I’d have the characters split off into teams much like how Avengers Infinity War operated until Mario gets a hint that Bowser is behind it all. As for the casting, obviously we would keep the characters that have already been established in the Super Mario Bros movies. I also wouldn’t limit the cast to the first lineup of characters from the first game. If the marketing for Super Mario Galaxy has taught us anything, it’s that they’re very okay with mixing and matching from many games and sources from over the decades.
Charlize Theron or Cate Blanchett as Samus Aran
As the space faring Bounty Hunter is typically on the quieter side I’d limit her dialogue overall but keep a tough exterior in terms of the voice direction. Keep her lines direct, all business, and kinda grumpy. Either actress here would excel in the role but I’d have to give the edge to Cate Blanchett for her ability to deliver terse yet tough stoicism when needed.
Glen Powell or Tom Cruise as Starfox
If you’ve seen Top Gun: Maverick, these picks are obvious for the high flying pilots. Flip a coin, they’d both be great. However I’d go Powell over Cruise as he’s far more likely to do a role like this than Cruise is.
Editor’s note: this article was written before the big reveal was made public; great prediction, Cameron!
Chris Tucker or Will Arnett as Diddy Kong
It’s time for Donkey Kong’s original sidekick to get some screen time and both of these actors could provide comedic relief and the unrelenting spirit necessary to portray Diddy Kong. While Arnett would be fun I’d have to give it to Chris Tucker- let’s be honest he’s excellent as a partner in crime in the Rush Hour movies and I’m sure he’d perform this role perfectly.
Keith David or Keanu Reeves as Captain Falcon
Captain Falcon is a Macho coded racecar pilot from the future and much of his past is a mystery. However it’s been implied in several games that he has had work as a Bounty Hunter, which makes that connection to Samus that much easier to play off of. Captain Falcon basically just has to fight fast and look cool while doing it and both of these actors could portray those character traits quite well. Just imagine Keith David’s Falcon kicking Starfox in the face then coyly smiling before uttering the phrase, “Show me your moves”. On the flip side, Keanu playing another ‘cool guy’ character who fights extremely well and has awesome one liners? See both his roles as John Wick and Shadow the Hedgehog if you need to be convinced. This one is truly a 50/50 split for me.
Ikue Ōtani (the longtime voice of Pikachu in the anime) or Ryan Reynolds as Pikachu
Okay, so this one is sillier. Ryan Reynolds reprising his role as Pikachu would be very meta and a fun nod to the Detective Pikachu movie. However let’s be honest, the role should go to Ikue Ōtani- she’s got the character down.
John DiMaggio or Patrick Warburton as Kirby in a very limited role as he’s usually mute
I almost didn’t pick a voice actor for Kirby as he’s essentially mute, but if we’re gonna give him a line of dialogue at the end of the film almost as a joke, these two would be good for the bit. Personally I think it should go to Patrick Warburton, a campy deep voice like his for Kirby would be worth the one line.
John C. Reilly or Paul Rudd as Banjo and Amy Sedaris or Kristen Schaal as Kazooie
John C. Reilly as Banjo and Amy Sedaris as Kazooie seems like both performers could fully embrace the tenet of each character's idiosyncrasies quite well. Reilly taking on the affable Bear’s good natured attempt to smooth over Kazooie’s rougher edges to others while being a bit thick headed himself seems like a role made for him. And Amy Sedaris is not only funny but she’s great at sassy comebacks with wit. Just look at their roles in Kong Skull Island and Bojack Horseman for an example from each as to why they could fit these roles.
Paul Rudd as Banjo and Kristen Schaal as Kazooie on the other hand just seem like they pair well for similar reasons, if slightly different. I see Rudd’s Banjo as more of a ‘hangout character’ with an apologetic streak while Schaal’s Kazooie as more of a fighter that has to be contained than Sedaris’ take on the character.
Ryan Gosling or Seth MacFarlane as Captain Olimar
Besides the irony of his recent role as Ryland Grace in Project Hail Mary being a space explorer with an alien friend, his ability to portray an exasperated Captain Olimar who’s overwhelmed and trying to keep his Pikmin organized as everything is falling apart around him? Perfect. He could definitely do that. However, Seth MacFarlane could also do Olimar justice. Maybe as a burned out version of Olimar after the second game’s events where he’s just over it, drinking coffee and smoking as a Pikmin foreman comes up to him and he shrugs him away. There’s comedy gold there if they’re willing to mine it. I’d go Gosling over MacFarlane but I would love to see both takes on the character.
Cameron Geiser is an avid consumer of films and books about filmmakers. He'll watch any film at least once, and can usually be spotted at the annual Traverse City Film Festival in Northern Michigan. He also writes about film over at www.spacecortezwrites.com.