Written by Andreas Babiolakis

Being cheated on is an awful experience. Believe me, I've been there. I was only in a relationship for a few months in my younger years and it took quite some time to heal from it. I cannot imagine how much worse that pain would be if I was married to this person for years — or decades. What I do know, however, is that in the moment, I wanted to fix everything, feeling like this was just one of those things and that we both would move on and all would be okay. After a few months of trying to soothe myself, I wanted the opposite: nothing to do with this girl. While the latter response would make the most sense, it was out of pure anger and self-loathing as opposed to a healthy mindset. I would argue that I just wasn't being rationale whatsoever because who would be when they discover that their partner is having an affair?

According to the documentary feature film, Mistress Dispeller, there is an occupation in parts of the world like China where someone can be hired to either prevent an affair from happening or break up an existing affair. Furthermore, said person can do more in order to help, including acting as the middle person in between the adulterer and the accuser. Some may view this as cowardly, but I think this is an incredibly forward-thinking way of addressing this complicated, unfortunate matter. Filmmaker Elizabeth Lo would agree with this documentary that is meant to dispel whatever loaded notions one may have when reading that such a job can even exist. This documentary reminded me a little bit of Hikari's Rental Family in the sense that both films recognize how their respective jobs — featuring people who are hired to step-in and fill human voids in complicated situations (to over-generalize, I suppose) — can be seen as silly or peculiar before diving into all of the reasons why they are not.

*Mistress Dispeller* presents an unfamiliar concept with complete honesty, empathy, and warmth, allowing viewers to see the value in the unexpected.

Mrs. Li suspects that her husband is having an affair, and it is proven that he is with Fei Fei. Therefore, the film's central mistress dispeller, Wang Zhenxi, is hired to befriend Mr. Li and persuade him to stop his affair with Fei Fei. On paper, this sounds like Lo and the film are taking sides with this rah-rah crusade that will only make matters messier for everyone involved. I was quite surprised when I saw how passive and empathetic Mistress Dispeller actually was. Lo leaves her camera alone to just sit and watch everything unfold; there is a slight quality of production here, but more in how the colours are graded or the mood is tended to like a kindling fire (nothing overtly artificial here). I was even more stunned by how badly the film tried to understand everyone — including those partaking in the central affair. People like Fei Fei are painted as those who are in need of extra care and love after having lived difficult lives. Someone like Mr. Li is described as having his own complexities; the film insinuates that no one goes on to have an affair just because (and it isn't always as simple as two people falling out of love, or one party being a jerk). I'm not quite sure what the full story was in my case, and I don't really care about having that closure nearly two decades later, but I feel like this kind of an understanding would have helped me significantly when I was a broken adult in my younger years.

Mistress Dispeller is a film that I reflected upon very little when I first watched it, but its true substance revealed itself to me upon additional contemplation. This is somehow as calculated as a major espionage scheme, but it never plays as a calculated affair, and Lo's understated approach makes this operation not feel clinical. That alone is noteworthy. Mistress Dispeller also doesn't sully the matter at hand; it never succumbs to the possibility that this would all read as kooky or, even worse, stupid. It supports the career at hand and shows the worth within it (yes, even if it is just a little bit out-there). While I wouldn't want a whole series of different relationships being mended or severed in such a way, seeing just this one key instance where the occupation of a mistress dispeller is being utilized is enough to detail the job as a whole. This documentary has lingered with me a little bit maybe because of how revelatory such a job can be. It has led me to wonder what other similar occupations are out there to help those who are mentally or romantically distraught and in need of some guidance. The Greeks believe in a handful of different kinds of love, from the utmost affection (agape) and the desire for physical intimacy (eros) to familial adoration (storge) and a strong friendship (philia); lest we forget hospitality (xenia) or the desire to love oneself (philautia). Mistress Dispeller explores all of the above and why someone's heart's wires can get crossed (and how to uncross them).

Andreas Babiolakis has a Masters degree in Film and Photography Preservation and Collections Management from Toronto Metropolitan University, as well as a Bachelors degree in Cinema Studies from York University. His favourite times of year are the Criterion Collection flash sales and the annual Toronto International Film Festival.