Curb Your Enthusiasm: The Ten Most Inexcusable Things Larry David Has Done
Written by Andreas Babiolakis
Great news, everyone! Season eleven of Curb Your Enthusiasm is coming in October. We’ve been blessed with the Larry David comedy for two decades over the course of one hundred episodes, without a single dud of a storyline (although there are definitely some stronger examples). Point is that Larry David (or LD) has spoken for many of us on many occasions: the inner voices in our heads that wish we’d confront selfish people, or address uncomfortable situations. Of course, many of these cases result in confrontation to huge effect, hence the biggest draw of the series (seeing David face some of the most stressful situations and coincidences in all of television). David is the guinea pig to the many experiments of the minutiae of life that we can’t actually face ourselves.
However, not everything Larry David does in Curb Your Enthusiasm can be condoned. It’s time to see the moments where he went too far in a way that only he can. When I say too far, I don’t think these are bad storylines (rather the opposite: they’re darkly hilarious), but typically I think most of us can see a bit of ourselves in many of his actions, and these following examples are the times where I don’t think any of us would champion how he handles these situations. I’m excluding anything that can happen by accident (Larry David ruining a surprise party for the to-be recipient by arriving late), a misunderstanding (Larry David being thought of as someone with a fetish for large buttocks because of some comment he made in jest), or a failed plan with positive intentions (cutting the hair of a doll at the request of a child, who changed her mind). These have to be actions that Larry David acted upon himself, was committed to, and believed he was in the right about. I’m not even certain that ten instances will be enough, so let’s say that these are ten of the worst things that LD has done on Curb Your Enthusiasm (for now).
Note: this list isn’t entirely serious. I understand this is a television show, and am not offended in any single way. I think having a list like this is more fun than anything.
Warning: Curb Your Enthusiasm spoilers are ahead. Reader discretion is advised.
10. Tried to run another business into the ground out of spite
On the most recent season (besides the upcoming eleven), there was a long story arc about David’s resentment for Mocha Joe and his coffee shop that he isn’t allowed to be a customer in (David and Joe’s beef goes back all the way to the end of season seven). Now, I think David’s spite shop (Latte Larry’s) is something that many people would love to make, but I think the extents that David goes through — especially when he doesn’t need to, and this is Mocha Joe’s livelihood — is insanely petty, and he takes a dream to insane lengths. Morally, David and his spite shop (built right next to Mocha Joe’s to run it out of business) is quite bad. As entertainment, it’s a season-long blessing, and a sign that Larry David (as a creative mind) has still got it.
9. Stopped someone else’s kid singing mid-song
Poor Sammi Greene has had to deal with Larry David for the majority of her life, as the daughter of his manager Jeff. Her mother Susie can go toe-to-toe with David, but Sammi has fallen victim to many awful scenarios (another one of those later). In this case, she is singing a song for Ted Danson and Mary Steenburgen. Okay, so her singing is quite awful, but her intentions are sincere (albeit cringe inducing). Naturally, you still don’t stop a kid from singing when they have worked up their courage to do so, especially if they’re someone else’s child. David’s abrupt congratulations to stop Sammi are so uncomfortable for everyone, and it naturally doesn’t end well.
8. Steal back a golf club from a dead person’s casket
Now, doing immoral things where the dead are concerned is always going to be dreadful to endure, so something like Larry David stealing a golf club from the deceased will of course land on a list of this nature. The reason why this isn’t even higher is because that 5 wood was his initially (not that that gives him any justification to steal it back, but at least we can understand his strong desire to do so). Of course, David and everyone associated with him get kicked out of the country club attached to this incident, because stealing something — anything — from a casket is nuts.
7. Tried to get a refund from a lemonade stand run by children
What always astounds me is whenever Larry David gets all riled up over a few dollars, especially when the show reiterates that he is worth hundreds of millions of dollars. Such an instance is when he tries to get a refund of a single dollar back from kids running a lemonade stand. He does so by being far too critical of the quick work of children who are trying to learn about the ins and outs of entrepreneurship. Chances are that lemonade was revolting, but you can’t expect world class lemonade from youths that are just starting out. You buy lemonade from these stands to support. David demanding his dollar back whilst degrading these kids is incredibly stingy, but it’s great to laugh at from afar.
6. Pushed a spritzer girl employee to the ground
You can say that Larry David has quick reflexes when he shoved a spritzer girl at the mall down, but that’s quite a problematic reaction. If your first instinct to an employee — even with a spritzer bottle spraying it in your direction — is to assault them, then that raises many questions. There’s nothing more to say about this one.
5. Dated women in wheelchairs for appearances
While Larry David began to date a woman in a wheelchair because he liked her, this innocence doesn’t last long. If anything, he purposefully tries to find another woman in a wheelchair to keep up the appearances that he is a nice guy (thanks to some circumstances within the episode “Denise Handicap”). This plan goes horrendously wrong (of course), and his tactic to make himself look like a hero only makes him appear oh-so much worse.
4. Didn’t help a drowning kid because he was more concerned about his Blackberry
In the exact same episode (“Denise Handicap”, and I forgot that these came from the same storyline, so this was a complete coincidence), Larry David is meant to be looking after Sammi while he and the Greenes are at the beach. Sammi begins drowning while David is playing Brick Breaker on his Blackberry. David reacts quickly, but firstly, he must put his Blackberry back at his chair. He darts back again to wrap up his mobile phone in his towel, so it can’t get stolen or wet. Father Jeff saves Sammi in the meantime; had he not been there, she could have drowned, thanks to David’s idiocy. Mother Susie chucks his Blackberry into the water, and I can’t say I blame her when her daughter almost died.
3. Stole flowers from a roadside memorial
When Marty Funkhouser’s mom passes away and he is left an orphan (according to him), Larry David is in the middle of trying to rectify his actions that cost the Black family their children’s tuition at a prestigious school. Because of Funkhouser’s sweaty fifty-dollar bill that no one will take, David cannot buy flowers for this apology. So, he steals flowers from Funkhouser’s mother’s memorial site for the principal, and two more bouquets for wife Cheryl and for Loretta Black; they’re two bouquets too many, and Funkhouser notices this ghastly action.
2. Drove someone to near suicide
Larry David goes after Yoshi, whose father was a kamikaze pilot veteran who survived his attempt. David considers his father a coward, and mocks Yoshi enough to drive him to attempting suicide. This news is delivered during a poker game, which David and his buddies don’t stop (so there’s this extra nugget of insensitivity as well). David has given people heart attacks and other fatal reactions, but making someone want to kill themselves due to bullying them is quite a new low.
1. The whole kidney situation
Where do I even start with the storyline where friend Richard Lewis needs a kidney transplant? Larry David doesn’t want to give up his kidney (which makes sense), but goes through extreme lengths to try and get out of being the chosen person to sacrifice one of his own. He checks in on cousin Louis Lewis (hah) in the hospital to see if he will die, so he won’t have to donate his own kidney. He hits a surgeon’s car and curries favour with him as a pretend devout Orthodox Jew. He does whatever it’ll take to get out of trying to save Richard Lewis’ life, even though there is a massive ask in order to do so (but they’re supposed to be great friends). The extremities of the kidney storyline are easily some of the worst things that Larry David has ever done on Curb Your Enthusiasm… again… for now.
Andreas Babiolakis has a Masters degree in Film and Photography Preservation and Collections Management from Ryerson University, as well as a Bachelors degree in Cinema Studies from York University. His favourite times of year are the Criterion Collection flash sales and the annual Toronto International Film Festival.